Have you seen her?

…and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself

I’ve been sitting here tryna figure out how to start this off the perfect way. Ain’t no way to do that, so I’m just going to dive right in. I am all over the internet. I guess you can say I love the interwebs. I love everything about it, social media and thangs. Finding out everything I want to know and everything I’m looking for right at the end of my fingertips.

Here lately, everything I have been looking for has left me empty. No satisfaction, no joy, and no excitement. I believe that what I have been looking for is something to make me happy and complete. I have been so unhappy for the last year or so it hasn’t even been funny.

I promised myself that I wasn’t going to talk about HIM or THEM on this blog. I will however say that I am married and I have 5 children ages 10,7,6,3, and 10 weeks old. I’ve spent a majority, if not all of my time trying to make everyone happy and along the way completely lost myself. I’m already tearing up at the last part.

I used to never be a water head, I was a thug with it. (lol) I have had so much going on in my life and I can’t say there aren’t people who care. But I’m grown enough to own up to my part in it all, but I feel like I’m dealing with it all alone. I’ve struggled with depression all my life and it never seems to go away. My days are filled with the highs and lows of shoulda, coulda, woulda’s and if I hadnta’s… I really need to work on starting my days with positivity and quotes. Let me stop fronting…my spirit just screamed out loud “JESUS…” I need to start the day off with Jesus.

The Spirit has been saying things to me here lately the last few weeks:

New Bible

Write

The number 58

The Song: He’s an On Time God by Dottie Peoples 

I’m not sure what it means, but I’m nervous and excited about it. All I have been doing lately is watching YouTube videos about Journal Bibles, looking at the cost of them to order, how to study scripture, and just overall reading the Word and connecting with it more. I have been quick to admit that the events that have taken place in my life within the last year and a half has almost diminished my faith..I don’t have any faith. I’m praying that my faith and hope be restored.

I’m not going to talk y’all to death in my 1st post. But I plan on posting a lot, writing when the mood hits. There is going to be a lot of self-reflection, a lot of reminiscing, revealing, and eventually loving of myself going on. If you’re willing to read, you’re more than welcome to stay.

 

Pebbles

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